Have you ever had a 'what if' moment?
by dellio
Summary: A story about a girl that is called as a slayer without knowing anything about the world it will open up for her and how she deals with the events that follows. Does cross over with Supernatural a little.


Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the person telling the story.

NOTE PLEASE READ BEFORE READING STORY:

_Ok there are a few things you need to know before you read this little story of mine. You see I wrote it after having a car accident. The other morning while I was driving to work I ended up taking my car for a not so little tumble off the road and down a hill and into a log which thought it might be nice to smash through my windscreen. Unfortunately the accident sent my car to car heaven, and fortunately for me I walked away reasonably intact. After the accident was all cleared up I took the next few days off work due to a few injuries and stayed at home. Now I have never been in an accident before let alone driving when I have one so one question kept running through my mind 'what if' I couldn't help but go over my actions before hand and during the accident wondering what I could have done differently to get a different result. I did this to the point were I was driving myself insane so I decided to write it down. Thing was when I tried to do that nothing happened and I came up with this idea instead. So considering I was in shock, juiced up on coffee and not exactly thinking clearly I want to warn you that this might be the biggest heap of shit you have ever read. But it was my way with dealing at the time. So I will shut up now and let you read on if you choose to do so._

**Have you ever had a what if moment?**

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night not sure of your surroundings, have you ever been so angry that your hands are shaking, or have you ever felt so hopeless that you feel like nothing in your life has any meaning or makes any sense. Have you ever been so relieved that you feel free and ready to take on the world?

If you have then we have something in common.

You may ask why I am writing this down or why I am telling you about myself and the truth of the matter is that I have to tell someone. Sometimes the things that happen in your life don't make sense until you write them down or discuss them with an objective party. You see the thing is I don't really trust anybody, well I never used to but lately some of the people I have met are trying to rectify that flaw in my personality. Its funny how when you meet people in extreme circumstances you can form more of a connection, more of a bond then you do with people that you have known throughout your life time.

I guess its time for me to stop being so vague and cryptic and get on with why I am here.

You see not so long ago I was a normal healthy teenage girl, I had just graduated from high school and I was at the local bar celebrating my soon to be eighteenth birthday with my friends. To say I had consumed a lot of alcohol is a bit of an understatement, I was utterly and totally drunk. Not the kind of drunk where you can't remember your own name or walk upright on your own. More the kind of drunk that makes the blood in your veins feel like they are tingling with electricity, makes your skin feel like it is on fire and you get the feeling that you could almost achieve anything.

Well I was that kind of drunk. I had just finished a round of shots with my then best friend Theresa, we headed out to the toilets and were laughing along the way, I can't even remember what the joke was but I remember laughing so hard that my insides hurt. We made it into the toilets and separated to do our thing. When we were done and on our way out I was holding the door open for Theresa to follow me through, and all of a sudden I felt something go through me, it wasn't painful, or warm, it was cold, I felt frozen to the bone. I stumbled back against the door and pulled my jacket tight around myself trying to get warm. Theresa was concerned and came up to me, I remember seeing the look of concern on her face. I couldn't focus on anything, just on the cold that was attacking my insides.

It lasted for a few moments, I swear those moments almost felt like years. Then it just stopped, the coldness left as quickly as it came and I was able to stand on my own again. I felt warm and strong. I stood back up on my feet and glanced at Theresa, she was talking to me and I caught the end of her 'no more alcohol' for you joke. Once we went back into the bar Theresa seemed to forget all about my little set back and joined back in the parting, I however was not quite able to join in so enthusiastically. I felt sober and different, something had changed inside me. I didn't know what or how but in that moment outside the toilet door something went through me that changed the rest of my life. For the better or the worse you might ask, well I guess that depends on your point of view. I will leave it up to you to decide if you keep reading my tale, but myself I am still undecided and I think apart of me will always mourn for the girl that entered that bar ready to turn eighteen having just graduated high school with all the possibilities of the future before her. Apart of me will always wonder what my life could have been like if that same girl had walked out of the bar unchanged.

I must admit it took me a while to understand what was happening to me, the next day I woke up without a hangover. I felt ready to jump out of bed and face the world. All my friends had looked at me in shock. I was the one usually throwing up in the toilet for the first twelve hours after drinking as much as I had the night before.

But not this time. I was bright and lively.

That was one of the first changes I noticed.

The second was at breakfast. It was traditional for my friends and I to head down to the local café for breakfast and fill up on hot chips and BBQ sauce. Nothing like a bit of grease to cure a hangover. Usually we got a bit of food and everyone dug in. Always having suffered from hangovers in the extreme I usually could only manage a few chips before the nausea over took any hunger I may have been feeling.

Not this time.

I was able to eat my fair share of the chips and afterwards I was still hungry, the looks of surprise from my friends didn't escape my notice, but I chose to let it go.

After that I went home and tried to put it behind me, I guess I jut wanted to believe that everything was fine and the feeling I had the night before was just a result of too much alcohol, for a while I succeeded. Since I wasn't going to school anymore I was spending most of my time at home trying to decide which university offer to accept. I would help Dad out on the farm and ignore the way everything seemed to be so much easier. I was stronger I could feel the difference in my body, My father and I were feeding some round bales out to the cows one afternoon and we were rolling them over to a position so we could load them up onto the ute with the tractor. This particular round bale was heavy and dad was having trouble moving it on his own. As he is not a spring chicken anymore I decided to offer him some help. I walked up and gave it a solid push. It not only moved it literally rolled about ten feet. Dad gave me a strange look but to my relief didn't question me on it. After that I was careful to only push bit by bit.

To say I was unfazed by the changes would be lying, I tried to hide them as much as I could but it was hard when I would turn on a tap with the same force I had used before and the tap would break. I also noticed changes in my speed and reflexes. I could run faster, much faster nearly to the point where I didn't think I would need to bother driving anywhere.

But the hardest part was nighttime, usually I would turn out the light and fall promptly asleep, but now I was awake, wide awake, my body was alert and restless and no matter how much I tried to fall asleep I found I was unable to. This is where my nighttime exercise routines started. I would climb out my bedroom window and go running, I would go anywhere that my feet led me and just enjoyed the sounds that only came once the sun came down. I would return to my room a few hours before nightfall and get a few hours sleep before rising early to have breakfast with Mum and Dad.

I got myself into a bit of a routine after that, and things stayed relatively normal, I still hadn't selected where I was going to go to university or what I was going to stuffy but I had months to decide.

I found that if I got up early and helped Dad on the farm all day, careful not to do anything that I was unable to do before while Dad was watching, then I would come in at night time and either go out with my friends or wait until my parents were asleep and go roaming.

I thought I had kept the changes hidden well, but I was soon to find out how wrong I was.

One night when my friends and I were out at the local bar I was playing pool with a few of the guys from school and Theresa, Bianca and Kylie were sitting nearby having a conversation. (did I mention that my hearing had improved as well), anyway on this particular night One of my guys friends and I had been successfully holding the pool table for about an hour. We were playing doubles and while we had been challenged we hadn't lost a game. I had been careful to still miss a few shots so no one noticed my increased ability nearly flawless game. We had just beaten our most recent challenges and were shaking hands when I overheard my 'friends' discussing me, well discussing might not be the most accurate to describe it, more like bitching. I finished shaking hands with the opponents and took my usual spot next to Pete as we waited for the next challengers to set up. We were about ten feet from Theresa and co's table. They had there heads huddled together and were whispering in hushed tones. But unfortunately not hushed enough.

This is about the jist of what they were saying.

'Don't you think she's been acting strange though, sometimes when we are hanging out at my place she will be just sitting there for ages not moving, not talking just staring into space' Theresa whispered to Bianca and Kylie.

Kylie shrugged 'I have noticed she's quieter and more distant, but maybe that's just stress, you know with Uni choices to make'

Bianca shook her head 'But what about all the time she spends around the guys, I know she's friends with Pete and his mates but when we go out she hardly speaks to us anymore, its like she thinks she it too good all of a sudden'

"Or maybe she's finally noticed boys' Kylie laughed. This comment caused me to flinch slightly.

Theresa shook her head 'but its more than that, sometimes when she looks at you it's like she's looking for something, its almost like she's unsure who you are, like she's measuring you up. But there is no humor in her expression; her face is just blank it's kind of creepy'

Bianca and Kylie nodded 'Should we say something' Kylie asked hesitant 'maybe she doesn't even realize she's doing it'

Theresa shook her head 'I don't know, maybe we should just wait, see what happens. If it continues we will all be out of here soon and we can go our separate ways'

Bianca and Kylie gasped slightly

Kylie was the first to speak 'but you guys have been always been best buds, I mean I know she's acting weird but don't you think we should talk to her before we just right her off as a friend, maybe she wants to talk about what is wrong but doesn't know how to start'

Theresa shook her head 'no, the girl I grew up with isn't there anymore, your right Kylie she has changed and I don't think I want to know the new version'

I stopped listening to the conversation after that, I must have been red in the face as Pete asked me if I was ok. I just nodded skulled my drink and told him I needed some air. I walked outside in a bit of a daze. The person that I had trusted most growing up, the one that I had shared almost everything with was ready to write me off and dump me in the gutter. They had betrayed me.

Because I had been acting a little different. Ok so more than a little different, but I had thought I had been hiding it. I guess I was wrong.

I didn't go back to the pub that night, nor did I answer any phone calls from my so called friends for weeks. It wasn't that I was mad or hurt by what they had said. It was more that I was afraid. Afraid that talking to them and letting them know that I had heard there little conversation would make me have to face the truth. I was different and my life as I knew it was gone. I wouldn't be able to hide forever and I was terrified that someone would find out the truth. But also what would happen if someone found out, I didn't even know what had happened to me. I didn't understand it.

Time passed and it was time for everyone to head off to uni, work or whatever they decided to do after school. I was still not talking to my friends and I felt relieved when they stopped calling. The only person I spent anytime with other than my parents was Pete. It was hard to ignore him when he lived on the farm next door and came around to talk to me. I found I couldn't hide from him as well.

I didn't tell him what was happening to me and he didn't ask, I think he knew I was going thorough some changes and was just happy that I hadn't shut him out. We pretty much did the same things we had always done and if I slipped up and let something show that I didn't mean to he never questioned me. We stayed in contact up until the day he left for uni and he promised to stay in touch. I felt like a chapter of my life was closing and another was opening. The only problem was I didn't like the direction that this one was taking and I was scared to step through and embrace it.

My parents sat me down one night and asked what I was going to do now that the uni acceptances had closed. I tried not to cry at the idea that I wasn't going and that I was letting them down. For the last three years of my life I had been determined to go to Uni and study for a few years after school, I was going to do journalism and write for a magazine or a paper somewhere. I had received good marks in my final exams and could have done almost anything I wanted. But that all felt so futile now I was no longer interested in doing anything that involved lots of people.

I told my parents that I had changed my mind and that I might travel for a while before I studied. They took the news well and offered to pay for everything. I declined and said that I might work and pay as I go. This had resulted in an argument and we had compromised that they would give me a car and some money to start out with and that I was to call them if anything came up or if I needed more money. They never questioned my change of heart or commented on my sudden need to hide away from society and friends. They just supported me and I think that is why it was so hard to leave them behind.

The day I left was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, while I was relieved to be getting away from the small town and any possibility of running into someone I knew. I was terrified at the same time. My parents had become my rocks in the last month. They just accepted me as I was. The only thing was they didn't really know what I was. I felt like every day I was lying to them, but I wasn't ready to tell them the truth. I was barely able to admit it to myself. So I hugged them both, shed some tears and thanked them, and I drove away from the life I had grown up with and into a world of questions.

I had decided I wasn't going to plan were I was going; I was just going to drive and see what happened. I also wanted to find some answers. What had actually happened to me and why? I wasn't sure how I was going to do that but I figured it would come to me along the way. And for a while that plan worked.

I would travel from place to place, town to town only staying for a few days never really connecting with anyone. I kept my distance and only visited the local libraries and historical sites then moved on. I was researching anything that might relate to the changes I had experienced. But so far I had found nothing but things about alien kidnappings and other supernatural phenomena. I was able to rule out being abducted by aliens as I knew the precise moment the change had occurred and I wasn't on a ship at the time. The supernatural stuff was more interesting but it was hard to find anything that was directly relevant. There was a lot of mythology and theories behind events that had happened in history, but nothing about a teenage girl who gained super abilities the night before her eighteenth birthday.

So I continued my search and traveled around some more.

After about six months I started to get frustrated. I was drifting from place to place and besides the weekly phone call to my parents I didn't have any contact with people other than ordering food or finding a place to stay. I was starting to feel lonely, I missed talking to people, hanging out with friends and playing some pool. But most of all I missed the contact and the closeness. It was then that I decided to pay a visit to an old friend.

I was nervous about visiting Pete and apart of me wanted to just let the friendship die and put it in the past behind me, but another part of me wanted to desperately cling to the friendship as it was a link to humanity. It wasn't that I felt any less human or that I was scared of losing my humanity. But it was more the fear that if I distanced myself from my one remaining friend. What would happen to me? Would that be the way I was from now on.

I was confused when I knocked on Pete's door and confused when he hugged to him like he hadn't seen me in years. I didn't know how to react what to say, so I did nothing and took the lead from him.

It's amazing how easy it is to forget how to talk to people. Once upon a time I was a social party girl. But now after six months of traveling and spending most my time alone I felt out of place and unfamiliar in other peoples company. Even on e that had known me since we were five.

Pete released the hug and invited me into his room; he had a room to himself which was good as I don't know how I would have handled two at a time. He talked for a while about uni life and the subjects he was taking, and even the people he met, but he never really asked me any questions about what I was doing or where I had been.

Hearing him speak about his subjects and the amount of study made me think about school. It felt like six years not six months since we had parted ways. It was getting harder to remember what like had been like back then, what it had been like to live without fear. We stayed in Pete room for most the afternoon just listening to music and occasionally having a conversation. Never with me as the point of topic. When it was starting to get dark Pete seemed to become a little restless. He would look at me strangely then look at the clock. After about ten minutes I couldn't stand it anymore.

'What's wrong' I asked him he jumped at the sound of my voice, probably surprised that I actually initiated the conversation. He looked at me with a guilty look on his face.

"its bar night at the uni bar' he said apologetically ' I was supposed to meet some friends there, I thought you might want to come but I wasn't sure if you would want to, so didn't bring it up, but now that you are here and all I thought maybe we could go and play some pool like we used to' his voice got quieter as he spoke and I felt a familiar feeling of fear begin to set in my gut at the thought of spending time in other peoples company. What if they noticed something in my behavior, what if I did something or said the wrong thing. Dread filled my thoughts and I was trying hard to push the emotions away so that Pete didn't catch on to how I was feeling. I wasn't successful however as he interrupted my thoughts a moment later.

'Don't worry we can do something else I don't mind' he said trying to hide the disappointment in his voice but not quite succeeding.

It was at that moment that I realized I no longer trusted anyone; I realized what I had become, paranoid. Here I was at a uni with the only real friend I had left and I was too scared to indulge him for a night. I realized how selfish I was being. I didn't like the picture that my mind was beginning to paint of myself. Taking a deep breath I pushed my fear and dread away and looked at Pete. He was looking at his hands trying to hide his disappointment in me. Forcing myself to be brave I reached over and place my hand on top of his. He looked up at me in surprise and I smiled at him.

'What time do we need to be there' I asked keeping all anxiety out of my voice. He looked shocked, then happy then shocked before realization settled on him and he frowned again.

'Are you sure' he asked concern filing his tone.

I smiled again hoping it came across as reinforcing rather than forced 'Yes, I could use a bit of relaxation, besides I want to see if uni has improved your pool playing skills or if I can still kick your ass'

Pete smiled now and a look of relief washed over his features 'Thanks' he said in a soft tone that implied he had an idea of how hard it had been for me to face one of my fears. The thought almost brought tears to my eyes. But I pushed them away and stood up taking my hand from between Pete's.

I felt cold at the loss of contact and that surprised me a little, having grown accustomed to my own company I forgot how it can feel just to spend time with someone. I moved over to my bag and pulled out a few items of clothing and turned back to Pete who was still sitting in the same position watching me closely. I held his gaze for a moment before feeling the need to speak. Something about the way he was looking at me made me want to know what he was thinking.

'What are you thinking' I asked before I could think about it too much

Pete didn't seem surprised this time, he smiled and kept eye contact with me, he seemed to be thinking, then he looked away and back again shaking his head. A moment later he seemed to get it together then looked at me again straight in the eye.

'What happened to you Jess' he asked this so softy that I had to strain to hear him

I was speechless for a moment not able to respond, not sure how to respond, I didn't want him to be asking me this question, not before I knew what had happened to me myself. I don't know how long I stood there motionless lost in thought, but it must have been a while as Pete broke eye contact and stood up out of his chair, he walked to the window and shook his head as he looked out. Without turning back to me he spoke.

'I wanted to ask you, back before I left what was wrong but I figured you would tell me when you were ready, a part of me was happy that you hadn't shut me out as well. When you told me you weren't going to uni I was worried but I thought you would come round and apply by second semester. Now here we are six and a half months later and what are you doing with your life. I try and pinpoint the time you started drawing away and I can't figure it out, I can't figure out why. I didn't want to ask you as I didn't want you to feel pressured but I can't help it. I look at you and you are hardly recognizable to the girl I grew up with, the girl that taught me how to climb trees and told me not to be afraid falling on my face as there would always be the chance to stand up again. What happened to that girl Jess, where did she go?'

Pete didn't raise his voice, his tone wasn't accusing it was purely concerned and confused. But his words hit me like a bucket of cold ice water. He was right where did that girl go, for some reason when I had found out I was different from everyone around me I had retreated rather than fought, I had pulled away and hidden away in side myself in fear of being hurt or rejected. The worst part was the realization that I was a hypocrite. So many times I had told other people that it was ok to make mistakes; ok to be afraid as long as you didn't let the fear rule you, and here I was, living my life in fear, of what. I couldn't form the words to reply I couldn't form a solid thought, images and feelings were running through me, feelings that I had shut away inside myself. I felt dizzy at the impact, slowly but steadily I regained control of my emotions and looked up at my friend, he had turned now and was watching me with a sad expression. I couldn't look away; I had never imagined he would look at me like that. I felt like I owed him something some kind of explanation, but I couldn't think of a plausible one.

He continued to watch me, waiting for me to say something. Apart of me, the coward part wanted to flee the room and never look back without telling him that I was a freak. But another part of me stayed still rooted on the spot, that part was the for girl who had taught him to climb a tree, that part wasn't going to give up, and for now that was enough of a grounding to give me the courage to speak.

'I don't know, not really, all I know is one day I was me and the next that all changed, I didn't feel the same, I didn't want the same things anymore. Just like that. I didn't know how to cope with it, so I didn't. And then that night in the pub I heard them talking about me, the three people were supposed to be my friends and they were judging me for being different, talking about me like I wasn't a person, and something inside me snapped, I couldn't deal with it anymore, I couldn't deal with anything, so I retreated '

Pete watched me as I spoke I could feel his eyes watching me, hanging on every word as though waiting for some kind of revelation but none came, I gave him all I had and I knew it wasn't going to be enough.

'And now' he asked at length

I paused 'I don't know, up until five minutes ago I still felt the same, but hearing someone say it, made me feel like a coward'

Pete flinched 'I didn't mean for you to take it that way, I just wanted to know why, I wanted my friend back'

I sighed and took a step towards him, he didn't move away. I took another and another until I was standing directly in front of him. I slowly reached up and placed my hand on the side of his face. He didn't move away. He just watched me. I moved my other hand up and placed it on his shoulder keeping the contact light. Avoiding eye contact for the moment I moved a little closer still feeling drawn to the warmth of somebody else's body. After that I can't exactly recall what happened but the next thing I knew I was hugging him to me tightly my arms wrapped around him, my head buried into his chest. It only took a moment for him to respond and hug me back. What I couldn't put into words I tried to put into that hug. We stood there for a few minutes trying to make sense of it all I guess, trying to find some common ground. But I knew it couldn't last, that one of us was going to have to pull away first. That person was me.

I pulled slightly out of the hug not fully breaking contact but putting a tiny bit of space between us. I looked up at Pets face and noticed his eyes were closed; slowly he opened them and pulled the rest of the way out of the hug. He turned away and moved back to the window. I started to get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I waited for him to speak; somehow I knew I wasn't going to like what he had to say.

'Stay' he said in a husky voice

"What' I asked shocked

Pete now turned back and faced me his expression serious 'Stop running and stay here, you don't have to go to uni, you could get a job or be a bum, I don't care but stay'

Slowly I began to shake my head 'I can't'

Pete looked hurt 'Why not, you said that you were tired of running, that you were not sure how to deal with things, what better place then here……..with me'

I felt the sinking feeling start to take a nose dive, and I felt myself begin to pull away again, but before I could do so I was snapped out of it by someone shaking me roughly by the shoulders, I looked up surprised to find a very angry looking Pete staring down at me.

"There that's what I am talking about, where did you just go. Don't retreat jess, fight. I don't want to see you fade away until there is only a shadow of you left. I don't know what happened to make you start running and frankly I don't need to. Al I want to know is that you are going to make an effort to fight. To stand up in your feet again and face what it is that is bothering you. You can start by staying in one place for more than two or three days'

I blinked _he knew what I had been doing_. I was about to ask but he interrupted me before I could get the words out.

'I have been talking to your parents, that's how I know, I call them every few weeks to find out where you are what you're doing, I didn't want to call you cause I didn't want it to be awkward I knew you would eventually come and see me. I just didn't know when. But I knew when you came I was going to find a way to make you stay'

I thought about it, could I stay, was this the time to stop moving around, would I find answers here, would anyone find out. Everything keep racing through my mind but one thing stood out above all else. To stay would be facing my fear. Then it hit me, I was tired of running tired of hiding away. If I was ever going to stop why not do it now, here, with a friend in my corner. Maybe the uni would have resources that I could use to find out what happened to me. Maybe I could do some good here find a way to use my abilities.

'Ok' I said with a confidant voice

Pete blinked 'Ok, just like that, you will stay'

I nodded ''not here In your room, but yes I will stay in this city, get a job or something, for a little while anyway'

Pete's eyes narrowed at the last bit 'Three months, you have to promise me that you will stay for at least three months'

I must admit I thought about it for about another minute then nodded. Not really trusting my voice at that particular moment.

To say that I was 100 confident about what I was doing with my life would have been an outright and utter lie. I was basically as unsure and insecure as I had been before, but at least now I had someone to talk to who I could trust to a certain extent.

I kept my promise to Pete, I stayed for the three months, and actually I stayed for six months before events out of my control forced me to leave.

During that time however I found a confidence and sense of purpose that I had lost. I found a way to use my abilities to help people without the risk of being rejected or ridiculed. To start with I got a job as a library assistant and help with the shelving and cataloguing of books in the library at the university. I also helped the students find the books they were looking for. To start with it was hard, getting back into the swing of talking to people and communication in general, I felt like I was learning to talk all over again. But with persistence I overcame my fears and was actually pretty good at my job.

My boss Zach was very encouraging, he seemed to know I had been through something and let me gradually fall into the position and find my way. He was in his mid thirties and pretty much liked to work in silence.

Pete came and visited me everyday and we hung out a bit after I knocked off work, I started going out with him and his mates to the clubs and social events but found it hard to fit in to the scene. Most often than not I would go for a few hours then head home leaving them to party away into the early morning. This was kind of how I figured out how to use my abilities. One night when I was heading home I came across a group pf guys surrounding a young girl, there where three of them all young and extremely intoxicated. The girl was about my age. They were goading her and teasing her with innuendos and occasionally poking at her to intimidate and scare her.

On seeing the situation I couldn't just walk away, she might end up raped or assaulted in one manner or another and I couldn't let that happen. Knowing my enhanced speed and strength would be an advantage, I knew I would have a better chance at holding them off than she would. So much to the three guys displeasure I interrupted them and made way into the little group positioning myself between them and the girl.

It didn't take long for them to figure out my intentions and they changed tactics pretty quickly, instead of goading and poking they took on a more proactive approach and attacked.

I can't really describe what happened next but I let instinct guide me as soon as I saw them act. One moment they were all charging me the next they were all on the ground mooning. Somehow I had managed to learn martial arts in the space of three seconds. I had punched blocked and kicked moves I didn't know were possible.

Seeing that they weren't getting up anytime soon I turned to see the girl watching me in awe. I asked her if she was ok and she nodded nervously. I wasn't sure what to do next should I offer to walk her home. Let her go on her own or just walk away. She however was not so unsure.

'How did you do that' she asked full of curiosity

I shook my head 'I don't know' was all I could manage at the time.

She continued to stare at me, then smiled all of a sudden 'thankyou, for helping me, I was so afraid of them'

I shrugged feeling a bit embarrassed 'not a problem'

She then walked up to me and hugged me lightly, then pulled away and looked at me closely 'Can I buy you a cup of coffee or something to say thankyou' she asked

I was unsure what to do, having coffee would mean talking, what did I have to talk about, my conversation skills outside work where still a little rusty which was why I only stayed at the social outings long enough for Pete to remember I had gone in the first place. But then when I thought about it this girl knew nothing about me, and I would probably never see her again after tonight so what did I have to lose.

I nodded 'alright'

She smiled brightly and extended her hand to me 'I am Natalie'

I looked at her hand a moment then placed mine inside hers 'Jess' I said and lightly shook her hand.

It was a strange feeling to have, I had always stood up for people in school that were being bullied or said what I felt about issues that I didn't think were fair. But I had never really saved anyone from harm before. It felt good inside like everything was warm. It was a strange comparison to the usual cold feeling that settled inside me majority of the time.

Natalie took me to a Café on the next block and bought us both a cup of coffee. She chatted most of the time telling me about university and her family. She had been out tonight with a friend. The friend had gone home with a guy and Natalie had been left to find her own way home. She had been on her way to a taxi rank when the three guys had approached her. The rest of the story I knew.

I ended up walking her to the Taxi rank then walking back to my apartment that was down the road from the university. I feel asleep that night feeling happy and oddly fulfilled. It was the start of an era for me as from that night onwards I felt like I had a purpose in life. I was going to help people from things which they couldn't help themselves.

So it started, I would work at the library during the day, go out with Pete and his friends for a little while at night, then head off on my own and save people from different situations. To say they were all as easy as the first night would be lying. Sometimes it was hard not to really hurt someone for the things they were doing to other people. I found some of it extremely disturbing, but I found a way to deal. Not all of the people were as thankful or grateful as Natalie had been. But it still didn't take away the feeling that I was doing something right. I was always careful not to hurt anyone too much. I decided not to question my sudden knowledge in martial arts. It was obviously part of whatever happened to me. Something I did do however was join a local gym and practice the moves that came to mind. I found it easier to use the muscles after that and I felt myself become stronger and faster.

Whenever in a fight I relied on pure instinct, my body and mind seemed to know what to do before I did. Some of the time I had to stop myself from executing a permanently damaging blow to the real psychos, but that was not an often occurrence.

This routine worked for months, I would pass some of the people I had helped while working in the library but most of them seemed happy pretending it never happened, and I was more than willing to keep it that way. In the quiet times at the library I looked up some of the things I came across while hunting at night. I soon realised there was a whole world of creatures out there that I never believed existed before. Things that I thought were just myth.

The first time I came up against a vampire I had staked it before I even had a chance to register what was happening. They were stronger and faster than humans but they felt different. I could sense them somehow. And they weren't the only thing. There were demons of all different kinds lurking in the city, not all of them were out to harm either. It took me a while to learn the differences between the species and who to kill and who not to kill.

For the most part I felt content with my life, however one night, while out hunting I came across a vampire in an alley way. He was bigger and stronger than the ones I had faced before, Older I think. He glanced at me as I passed him but did not pursue an attack until I was almost out of reach. His strength caught me off guard and he knocked me to the ground before I could block his oncoming blows.

He pulled me up and held me off the ground and against the wall as he made way to bite my neck. I felt panic rise within me, I knew what it meant to be bitten.

It meant death.

I pushed the panic aside and tried to break free from his grasp, his arms however didn't budge. I tried various different moves and still I couldn't break free.

I was now starting to really panic, I felt his breath on my neck and his fangs graze lightly across my skin.

It was all the motivation I needed as something inside me seemed to snap. I felt a hot rage flow through me, and out of fear, desperation and anger I finally broke his hold on me. But I didn't stop there, the rage seemed to control me and I kicked him back away from me. He lunged at me aiming punches at my head, but none of them made contact. It was as though the rage gave me focus. With a deadly calm I defended and attacked till he was lying on the ground at my feet from injury and exhaustion, and still I didn't stake him. I just stared at him trying to determine why this one was so different from the others, why this one had nearly beaten me. I could smell the fear coming from him and apart of me was satisfied with that knowledge. He was beaten, I picked up my stake and plunged it towards his heart, ending his life as he knew it, but before he turned into a pile of dust on the ground before him one word managed to escape his lips. The word made my stomach turn and I felt my blood turn to ice as it echoed through me over and over. That word was "Slayer".

After that night things changed, I found myself practicing more, with weapons and without, I started skipping going out with Pete and co and went straight out hunting instead. I felt determined not to let myself come that close to being defeated again. I felt driven and focused, I dreamt about hunting. During the day I would think about it and wait in excited anticipation for the sun to go down. As soon as I could I would load up and head out ready to track them if I needed to, with each kill the same word motivated me to the next one "slayer'.

The cold that had settled inside me that night with the vampire never really left me. I felt myself detach from human contact again, feeling separated by what I did at night. Apart of me knew that it would only be a matter of time before Pete noticed my withdrawal but I would deal with that when the time came.

During the quiet times at work Zach didn't mind if I looked up things within the library that interested me. I tried to find some information on the slayer or a slayer within mythology. I looked up different cultures throughout history wondering if it might have some kind of reference or symbol in one of them that would point me in the right direction so that I could find more information, but I found nothing.

The fact that the vampire knew about this slayer made me believe that what happened to me wasn't a one and only occurrence. There could be more people out there like me and that thought gave me comfort. If I wasn't the only one who dealt with this kind of stuff then I was never really alone. One day I might be able to find them.

But the question that was bugging me most was 'why me' not in a doom and gloom kind of way, but more from curiosity. If I could understand why I got these abilities maybe I could make some sense of everything else. Maybe there was some kind of task I was meant to be carrying out that I didn't know about, other than killing demons and slaying vampires. A part of me believed there had to be more to it, that is wasn't just that simple. I don't know if that was out of wanting to believe it, or a gut feeling, but I needed to find some answers and it didn't look like I was going to find them here. Which left me with few options, I could stay and continue searching and hunting or I could move on to another place and see if I could find out more about what I was. The problem was though I didn't know where to go or how to start.

To a certain extent I was comfortable with my life here, I had a friend, a job and a purpose, a part of me was afraid that if I left I would lose what I had gained since coming here. Another part however was afraid to stay, I hadn't forgotten the rage and strength that had flown threw me that night, I hadn't forgotten the detached way I had staked the vampire or the detachment that was beginning to take a hold on me. I was afraid of the cold that was settling over me, that the more I kept hunting the colder I would become. Did it mean I would lose my humanity? I believed if I could just find someone like me it would all be ok, I would be able to grasp what was happening to me. Find some way to control it.

The next few weeks passed quickly I worked hunted slept worked and so on. Pete would come and visit me at the library and chat for a while before heading off. He didn't ask why I stopped hanging out with him and his friends he just seemed to accept it. I was relieved, I didn't want I confrontation at the moment and I knew he was about the only person I knew who could still get under my skin.

I was still undecided about what to do, weather to go or to stay. It turned out I didn't have to make that choice in the end as certain events happened that lead to the choice being made for me.

I was coming back from a night of routine hunting and was taking a short cut through the uni when I heard some strange noises coming from one of the parking lots off to my right. Deciding to check it out in case it was something suspicious I headed off in that direction. Quickly and silently I crept around the side of the building that joined the carpark. The noise was coming from just around the next corner. It sounded like a dog being tortured. Using my extra speed and agility I moved to the next corner and risked a quick glance around. What I saw made my blood run cold.

There where two men with guns in their hands tying up a wolf like creature. The creature had been wounded as I could smell blood, I knew it wasn't human. The two men were wrapping chains around the creature's legs and its hands were already bound. The chains they were using were solid and heavy something the creature wouldn't be breaking out of soon. Something about the wolfs cries of resistance pulled at something inside me. I knew I was meant to hunt and kill demons but this creature wasn't a demon it was crying out as it was losing its freedom. I knew it could hurt and even kill humans but standing there watching it being chained up while it was in pain made me act against what my head was telling me. Something about this creature was gnawing at my heart and I couldn't just let them take it away.

With my mind made up I moved silently towards them staying hidden behind some parked vehicles being careful not to let myself fall into their line of sight. Once I was about ten feet away I paused. They had the wolf completely bound now and both had their guns pointing at the creature. I knew I could take one of them down without getting hit but I wasn't sure about the second one. I needed some kind of projectile weapon that would stun one while I could disarm the other. I had a crossbow with me and some stakes. But I wasn't about to shoot a human with a cross bolt. Looking around me I searched for something I could use. Fortunately I found spotted rocks lying on the ground a few feet away. Carefully I made my way over and picked up the rocks then quickly made my way back to my hiding place. I took one more quick look to see what the two men were doing. One of them was still pointing the gun at the wolf the other was leaning into the trunk of a black car. Deciding this was my chance I grasped one of the rocks, took a mili second to aim it and threw it at the guy holding the gun on the creature. Then as fast as I could I moved swiftly and silently towards him reaching him just in time to catch him before he hit the ground. Quickly I lowered him to the ground and took his gun placing in my jeans pocket for the moment. Silently I moved up behind the other guy who still had his head bent over the trunk of the car. Thinking I would take him by surprise I moved up closer behind him ready to hit him in the back of the head with enough force to knock him unconscious but not permanently damage him. But I underestimated my opponent. As I was about to deliver the blow, he spun around so quickly that I didn't have a chance to stop him and I found myself looking down the barrel of a gun.

I froze mid strike and instantly dropped my hands in a submissive gesture to my sides. I was careful not to touch any of my clothing son he didn't mistaken my actions as going for a weapon.

I looked up from the gun and at the man holding it; he was about mid twenties 6ft and had light blond /brown hair. He was what I guess some women might think of as hot. But what caught me was his eyes. They were cold, hard and confident on first glance, but to me being someone who had long ago learned to look beneath the surface, they were concerned and unsure.

There was the briefest flicker towards the other man lying on the ground and to be truthful I could have acted in that instant and possibly disarmed him. But something about his eyes told me to stop, that this might not be what I had first thought.

It took me a moment to realise he was staring at me his expression stony. I stayed still, letting the next move be his.

He looked at me for a minute longer as if trying to decide what to do, he must have come to a conclusion as his hands tightened on the gun and he motioned for me to take a step towards the other man lying on the ground. Obediently I did so waiting to see what happened rather than risk a bullet in my back.

Slowly I moved over to the body and stood next to it, I waited for him to follow me. He kept the gun aimed at me but his gaze glanced at the man at my feet. Before he had to come to the decision of weather to pump me with bullets or reach down and check on his friend I decided to speak up.

'He's not dead' I offered as an opening

He looked at me shaking his head ever so slightly but remained silent.

I decided to try again 'I only hit him hard enough to knock him out'

Again he stared at me keeping silent

Resisting the urge to groan aloud in frustration I took a deep silent breath and tried to push away any feeling. But for some reason, this particular situation wasn't allowing me to do so. Something about the mans silence was really starting to bug me.

Trying to keep my voice neutral I tried again 'He will be out for an hour or so and have a bit of a headache when he wakes up but other than that he will be fine'

He looked at me with a curious expression 'Why' was all he asked

I was guessing he was asking why I attacked them, I saw no harm in telling the truth.

'You were hurting the wolf, I didn't like it' this time I let the anger show.

The man gave me a sceptical look 'you didn't look very hard then'

I thought about that for a second before replying, the wolf was injured and they were tying him up, what other conclusion was I meant to come to. I looked at him to find him watching me. I looked at the wolf who had stopped crying out and was now laying on the ground in depressed defeat. I then looked back at the man, there was something in his gaze that made me think I had missed something and he was waiting for me to out the pieces together.

'I don't get it, you were tying him up, he was injured, who knows what you were going to do with him once you got him wherever you were taking him, I had to do something '

Gain he looked at me like I was missing something, then at seeing the confusion on my face he smirked 'You don't know what he is do you?'

I shrugged 'a large wolf'

He laughed lightly 'take a closer look'

I glared at him then looked at the wolf again, it was watching me, its eyes intense, there was something about it. Almost as if…….then it hit me…it wasn't just a wolf it was a werewolf. I had read about them in the library. They were human for most of the time except for three nights a month when they gave into their animalistic desires and transformed into the form of a wolf. They hunted when the sun went down and transferred back into their human forms when the sun came up. They had been known in history to harm people, but most of the time they hunted what was available. In this case it was probably people.

I looked at the wolf for a moment longer before glancing back to the man holding the gun.

'So it's a werewolf, its still a human most of the time, what were you going to do with him, experiment on him, torture him, fulfil some sick fantasy'

The guy seemed a little but off at the venom in my voice but shook his head and smiled sadly. 'I don't know where you learned about people, but not all of us are sicko's. Not that it matters now but my brother and I were going to take him and lock him up for a few days until the full moon had passed. Just to stop him from hurting anyone, including himself. I don't know how he was injured he had that when we tranquilised him, we were about to move him when you came along' his tone was slightly accusing but it was more annoyed.

I tried to see if he was lying but nothing in his expressions gave him away. Not sure what I could say to that I kept silent trying to decide what the best thing to do next was. It was then that apart of what he said hit me. I had knocked his brother out, no wonder he was so pissed.

"I'm sorry, for hitting your brother I didn't know what you were planning I just didn't want the poor thing to be locked away for the rest of its life, so I acted on what I saw' to my surprise he lowered the gun.

'I know' was all he offered as a response he then moved and checked his brother over for any visible injuries. He hand paused where the rock had connected with the back of his brothers head and he turned and gave me a hard look.

'Any harder and you could have killed him'

I nodded 'I knew what I was doing, if I thought there was a risk I wouldn't have done it'

He looked at me for a second longer then took his jacket off and settled it under his brother's head trying to make comfortable. I watched silently.

After he was done making his brother comfortable he turned back and faced me, he just watched me not saying anything.

Not liking the silence or the continual observation I tried to think of something to say, noticing the wolf still lying on the ground I came up with an idea to remedy the situation.

'Do you still intend on moving him' I asked and gestured towards the wolf.

The man nodded 'yes, but thanks to you I need to wait until my brother wakes up, in case you hadn't noticed the 'wolf' is a little heavy for me to move on my own'

I smiled at him trying my hardest to look sincere 'I can help you with that'

He looked at me in disbelief, then curiosity, followed by more disbelief. 'Sorry honey, I don't think so, that thing is heavier than he looks'

I smiled again 'afraid I might show you up' I asked hoping this would get to his pride and trick him into letting me help without too many questions.

H e shook his head again and shrugged 'Not at all, I guess if your game, I am too. Lead the way' and he gestured towards the wolf who was watching us.

Now I don't know much about werewolves or how much of the human aspect of them remains intact once they transform, but it was as if this particular wolf knew that we were trying to help him rather than take away his freedom, as he didn't put up a hint of a fight as I lifted him off the ground and carried him the car. I ignored the look of shock that my new acquaintance threw at me and placed the wolf in the down on the backseat. He just sat calmly as if waiting for me to dictate the next move. Making sure he was secure I moved away from the door and closed it quietly behind me.

I took a few steps away from the vehicle and sat down; carrying the wolf had been hard work.

I rested a few moments before looking up and meeting the gaze of my new friend. He was just staring, not open mouthed but it was still staring.

'What' I asked slightly annoyed, if had something to ask me why didn't he just ask me already.

'Not wanting to be predictable, but how did you do that' he asked finally

I sighed and placed my head in my hands before looking up and meeting his gaze once more 'it's a long story' I said not really wanting to get into it right now.

He smiled at me and took a few steps in my direction before taking a seat on the ground; I noticed he placed himself between me and his sleeping brother. I smiled at the thought and wondered what it was like to have a sibling to look after and protect. For a moment I was envious. But I pushed it away and came back to reality just in time to hear him say.

'We have at least an hour before Sam wakes up'

'What make you think I want to tell my story to someone I don't even know the name of'

This brought a smile to his face 'I am Dean, and that person that you knocked out over there is my little brother Sam'

Deciding name exchanging was harmless I did the polite thing 'I am Jess'

We both waited……….

And waited ………….

And waited…………..

Ten minutes later he cracked 'well' he asked expectantly.

I sighed 'you're not going to let this go are you'

He grinned and shook his head 'nup, besides you owe me for knocking my brother unconscious and nearly giving me a heart attack'

I smiled despite the dread that was growing in my stomach 'what made you lower the gun'

I asked curious

He shrugged 'instinct, you were no longer a threat'

I gave him a questioning look 'how can you be so sure, I might be playing you right now'

He shook his head again 'I don't think so, I am good at reading people, and something tells me that you were only a threat up until you realised I wasn't going to harm that wolf'

I was a little surprised I had been so easy to read 'you have experience than in dealing with threatening situations'

He smiled 'I know what you're doing, you are trying to turn this into learning about me, in hope that it will delay you telling you're story. But it's not going to happen, but to show you how easy it is I will answer you're question. Yes I deal with a lot of threatening situations and yes I can read what most people are thinking by watching their eyes and expressions, body language tells you most things you need to know about a person' he was now grinning at me 'your turn'

I sighed again 'what if I don't want to tell you my story'

Dean kept smiling 'I think you do'

I shook my head I was afraid to tell him, I hadn't told anyone before and while it meant I never really got close to someone, it meant I stayed safe from those who might try and abuse it, a sad feeling came over me, what if this was going to be my life from now on, what if I never found anyone like me. Would I be alone for the rest of my life? Without looking up I responded to his remark not bothering to hide the sadness in my voice 'I don't think so, no one knows and I want to keep it that way'

His smile disappeared and his face turned serious 'you can trust me, us' and he gestured to Sam.

I gave a sarcastic laugh 'I don't know you' this time I made eye contact 'So you didn't hurt the wolf and your intentions were good, but that is one incident where you did the right thing, how am supposed to know that once I tell you about me, that you wont turn me over to whoever or try and manipulate me into doing the things you want, you tell me I can trust you but the truth is I cant trust anyone with my secret not even my own family. Why should I tell you when I can't even tell them, what makes you so special'

By the end of my little speech I was shaking, all the pain and loneliness, the fear and doubt seemed to just come to the surface at once. All the things I had seen, human and demons do to other creatures just seemed too much all of a sudden. I tried to push it all away and regain focus like I usually did, but this time it wasn't working. After a minute I was starting to realise why, I wanted to tell him about it, I wanted to tell someone. For so long I had hidden behind my fear that someone might find out the truth and here he was telling me it was ok to do so. Would I feel better if I told him the truth? I honestly didn't know, but was it the risk.

I was stuck, I couldn't see a way out if this with my sanity intact. If I walked away without telling him I might always wonder if I could have trusted him with the truth if I could have allowed someone to see a glimpse of the person I kept hidden. But u I opened up and told him would I then live in fear that it was going to come back and bite me in the ass.

I couldn't decide thoughts and feelings were whirling through my mind like a cyclone and I couldn't make a decision to make it stop. I was stuck.

My thoughts were interrupted however when a light hand rested on my shoulder and another on the side of my face. Gently and slowly the hand lifted my chin and pulled my face around so that I looking straight at Deans face. Gone was the smirking and joking persona he had taken on not so long ago in its place was a serious and concerned looking one. He was asking me to trust him without words, but I wasn't ready to make that decision just yet. I closed my eyes and shut his concerned glance out of my mind trying to find some kind of focus so that I could make the right decision with a clear head. But he wasn't going to let me get away from him that easily. This time he tried words.

'My brother is usually the one that deals with this kind of thing; he has a quality to him that just seems to let people know that they can trust him. I don't have that gift, but I do know a person in pain when I see one. I don't know what your life has been like and I don't know what you have had to deal with, but I do know that you can trust me with the truth. I think you need to, I have seen things that I never want to think about again, but the truth is I know I can't pretend they don't exist because someone has to deal with them. That is apart of my life, I accept it, but I have Sam to share it with. I am guessing you don't have that luxury. I don't know what I can tell you to make you believe me, other than that I promise I wont tell anyone what you tell me, not even Sam if that is what you want'

While he said this he kept his tone light and soothing, his hand stayed on my shoulder and the other one slid down to rest on my arm. I found his voice calming, he sounded honest, but how could I know for sure. Slowly I opened my eyes and pushed away my fear, feeling a detached cold come over me I looked him in the eyes and saw him give a brief nod of recognition. He knew what I was going to do and waited patiently for me to get myself under control. A few moments later I started my story, my voice sounded cold and detached, emotionless. It didn't sound a thing like me, but it was the only way I was going to get through this without changing my mind. That was the moment I began to trust again.

Dean just listened as I told him about the night I suddenly inherited superpowers. I glazed my friend's betrayal and the time I spent travelling alone, but spent more time describing the things I had seen and the demons I had killed. I explained what my abilities were, like the speed the strength, agility, weapons and fighting knowledge as well as the ability to hunt and track. He didn't interrupt me just let me talk. I didn't go into to much detail about the people I met of what I was feeling at the time, just events. When I came to the point where I was almost bitten by the vampire I paused and turned to look at him trying to see what he was thinking. He wasn't surprised, shocked or even disgusted. He was calm and quiet as if I was telling him about a daily stroll I was taking in the park. I looked at him questioningly as if pleading with him to have a reaction, any kind would be better than none. I had taken a risk in telling him and I wanted to know that is wasn't a bad choice.

He seemed to realise that I was waiting for some kind of response as he glanced at me then seemed to mentally shake himself. He started nodding and a look of understanding came across his face.

'It makes sense' he said

I hadn't been expecting that reaction 'I'm sorry what'

He smiled 'it makes sense that with all the strange and weird things out there that there are people who have strange and weird abilities to fight them if they become dangerous'

I sat there thinking about it, I guess it did make sense I just never really thought about it being that simple before. But I understood it was a balance thing, there had to be a balance between good and evil, like black and while, with a hell of a lot of grey in there as well. Most people operated in the grey area.

But was it really that simple had I developed these abilities because I needed them to fight evil. Because someone had to help keep the balance. If so "why me' why did I have them and not someone else. I wanted to believe it was that easy that I would be happy with that kind of explanation. But I wasn't, I needed more answers about who and what I was. It didn't have to be right now it just needed to be sometime.

I looked at Dean who was watching me again, he seemed to do that a lot, watch people asses them before acting. It wasn't a bad habit to have.

He must have read the emotions I was feeling from my face 'you can't keep asking questions like that, if you want to know why it was you over someone else, I can tell you now you might never find the answer to that. It's like asking why some people die young, why some are born blind and others deaf. There is no logical answer, things just happen that don't have an explanation. The best advice I can offer you is and find a way to use your abilities that makes you happy. Too many people t sit around wasting their lives wondering why'

I was a little hurt at the harshness of his response, not that he sounded harsh or that he was blaming me for anything, but more that it struck me. I had been doing that very thing, instead of taking advantage I had wallowed feeling sorry for myself that I was different. All the while living in fear that someone might discover this secret about me. Asking myself why I had to go through this and not someone else then feeling guilty that I felt that way.

Sure I had been battling the demons and vampires and helped people, but the whole time I had felt sorry for myself. Thinking I was hard done by because I had to deal with things other people didn't. Thinking about that I felt like such an idiot. I had wasted so much time.

Realising this felt like a slap in the face, I was nineteen and I had just spent a whole year drowning in fear and doubt. Every other person out there dealt there own issues own inner demons all of the time. It meant that mine were more external than internal. I had even been given the skills to beat them.

I suddenly felt lighter than I had in ages, I wasn't doomed to a life of secrecy and loneliness, I was being shown a world beyond that, a world were I could make a real difference. How I lived while I did that was of my own making. I could have control back.

I looked back at Dean and smiled 'you're right, I could sit here all day pondering on why this happened to me, why I was chosen to do this and in the end the lack of answers would drive me insane. I should just be grateful with what I have got and get on with it. I have the ability to kill demons to do something worthwhile I may as well use it' I stopped and paused for a moment. So how did I do that how did I conquer the fear? It was one thing to realise it and say it but to actually live without it was something else.

'Have you and your brother always hunted creatures' I asked wanting to change the subject from me for a bit.

Dean nodded ''for as long as I can remember'

'Do you ever wonder what your life could have been like, without the hunting?'

Dean shrugged 'sometimes, but then I remember what it is that we do, how many people we help and I know its worth the sacrifice of a normal life, who wants to be normal anyway'

I felt myself smile I knew what I had to do, I had to make some changes. I had to start living my life instead of hiding from it. 'Thanks Dean' I said as I stood up. 'You don't know how much you have helped, just telling someone has given me some perspective now I just have to put it into practice' and I started to walk away. I am not sure why but I think I knew the longer I stayed sitting and talking with Dean the harder it would be to walk away. He knew about me and my life, his like wasn't all that different. But he had his brother with him for the journey. I just needed to find someone that I could share my own journey with.

I felt Dean rise behind me 'Wait' he called out.

I stopped walking

"Where are you going?' he asked

I turned around 'Home' was all I said.

He frowned 'it's not easy going home, facing the past'

I nodded 'I know but that's where this all began where I started to run, to stop running I think I need to go home and start from the beginning'

Dean smiled 'you're right, but you're forgetting one thing'

"what's that' I asked curious

His smile widened 'it's always good to have someone in your corner, watching your back'

I shrugged 'I know, but this is one I think I am going to have to face alone, considering all of two people know my secret, that being me and you'

'that's right, I know your secret, so if you are prepared to hang on for a few days while we get this little wolf here under control, I might be able to offer you a lift, of course you would have to fight Sam for the front seat'

'Are you sure' I asked trying to determine if this is what he really wanted to do 'I can do this, you don't have to help me, you have done that already'

Dean just nodded and took a few steps towards me ' I am sure and so is Sam, you see Sam has some abilities as well and one of them is visions, just before we came here he had a vision of a girl with a striking resemblance to you needing a bit of a shove in the right direction'

I frowned 'what did he see exactly'

Dean smiled 'you can ask him, its best I don't try and explain'

I thought about it for a minute, Dean and Sam were going to come home with me visit my parents and what exactly, If Sam had a vision about me, that he needed to help me I didn't think there was going to be much I could do to stop them and honestly I didn't want to.

'Ok, as long as you are sure, there are a few things I need to tie up here, a few people I need to say goodbye but after that I am all yours' it took a moment for me to realise what I had just said and felt incredibly embarrassed. I looked at Dean 'umm I mean I will be ready to leave when you are' I mumbled that bit.

Dean just smiled 'I know what you meant'

I smiled back 'so does this mean I get to drive your car'

Dean pretended to look shocked 'No one drives my car but me and Sam, but you never know with those extra reflexes you might come in handy'

Before I could come up with a comeback Sam started to wake up. Dean headed over and helped him up and I hung back a little waiting to follow Deans lead. Sam got to his feet leaning on his brother; he had a pained expression on his face and took a moment to get a hold on his surroundings. Once he did he looked at Dean, then at me, then where the wolf was meant to be. A confused expression came over his face and he looked at his brother questioningly.

'What happened' he asked

Dean smiled 'It's a long story Sammie'

Sam looked annoyed so I decided to intervene and bring everything into the open from the beginning.

'I saw the two of you with the wolf, jumped to conclusions knocked you out, your brother pulled a gun on me, I stopped, he explained the situation, I helped him with the wolf, I had a break down, he cheered me up, and now we are all going on a road trip together' I looked at Dean 'You got anything to add to that'

Dean shook his head 'Sums it up nicely I think'

Sam however looked even more confused 'Why were you here, and why do you look familiar'

Dean took this one 'Remember that vision you had a few weeks ago about a girl and a wolf'

Sam nodded

Dean looked at me 'That's the girl'

Sam looked at me a little shocked 'Are you sure'

Dean nodded again 'fits the description, has the abilities'

Sam didn't take his eyes off me 'shit, no wonder my head hurts so much, what is this road trip we are going on'

Dean smiled 'were taking her home'

'That's not exactly what the vision implied' Sam said finally turning to his brother

'No but you said yourself you aren't sure exactly how to interrupt them'

Sam turned serious 'Dean we can't screw this up'

I got the feeling listening to this conversation that there was more to this vision than Dean had originally implied. Both of them seemed to forget that I was standing right there. I was hoping it would stay that way and they would let something slip. I didn't like the way this vision was sounding it obviously included my abilities and I was curious to find out what else.

Dean seemed to remember that I was standing there as he looked my way and smiled then turned back to his brother 'we thought the biggest problem was going to be getting her to come with us, we have already agreed that she is so what harm is there in the first step being to take her somewhere she wants to go'

Sam thought about it for a moment then looked at me 'Are you sure you want to do this, I know it might seem a bit weird two strangers asking you to just pack up and join them but its important that you come'

I was getting a really strong impression that I was missing something 'come with you as in to my parents place, or do you mean something more permanent cause I am starting to get the feeling there is something your not telling me'

Dean jumped in 'we can tell you along the way'

Sam gave his brother a glare that would have sent most people running 'you didn't tell her about the vision did you'

Dean shrugged 'I mentioned this and that, and left out a little bit in the middle'

Sam continued to glare then turned to me his expression serious 'there is more to this than you know, I am not sure what Dean told you but the bottom line is we need your help to kill something'

Again this wasn't making any sense, first Dean offered to drive me somewhere, then he says they were sent to help me now it turns out that they needed my help, I couldn't help but wonder what it was going to be next. But it didn't really matter, I was going to go with them the whole truth or not. Something about this felt right in my gut. I wasn't about to ignore that just yet.

'Alright, you can fill me in on the way' I said with a shrug

Sam looked taken back 'Just like that, no more questions or convincing needed'

I nodded' I know what I need to know for now, I need your wheels you need my help, I am guessing it has something to do with a demon or something and hey that's what I am supposed to do so yeah just like that'

Sam smiled for the first time since waking up and it was then that I could see the resemblance in the two brothers he smiled just like Dean had when I agreed to go the first time.

'Great, our wolf should be waking up soon we had better get him someplace secure, do you need a ride somewhere' Sam asked

I shook my head 'I live around here…the wolf is already awake has been for hours, as soon as I picked him up he went quiet, I haven't heard a peep out of him since'

Sam and Dean exchanged some kind of silent communication at my mention of the wolf; Sam then looked back towards me and smiled that smile again.

'That settles it your definitely the one' and he and Dean walked over to the car.

I followed a few paces behind taking a look at the wolf as I passed the back window he was still sitting where I left him with his eyes calmly closed as if he was taking a leisurely nap in the sun.

They both hoped in the car and Dean rolled down the driver's side window and handed me a piece of paper.

'Here's my number give me a call later on and we will sort out what to do'

I took the paper from his hand and put it in my pocket 'did you want a number to contact me on'

Dean shook his head 'I know where to find you' and he started the car and drove off out of the parking lot.

I stood there for a few minutes letting myself just enjoy the silence. Then after a few minutes I turned and walked back to my apartment. The constant feeling of coldness I felt since nearly being killed by that vampire was gone, so was the feeling of dread and loneliness that had begun to feel normal to me. I felt like this was right, that in the last three hours something important had occurred and I was now finally on the right track to living my life my way. Which may sound a little sceptical considering I was going on a road trip with two strangers that I had just met, who needed me to kill I don't know what.

But it didn't matter, some people you meet throughout your life and you can pass them by never really recognising them from one place to another. Others you can be friends with your whole life and hang out with but never really know what is going on inside them. And others you can meet on the spare of the moment in a situation you cant control, in circumstances you couldn't imagine and you somehow know that you can trust them, you form a bond of some sort that sends you off both off down a road that there is no turning back on.

So this brings me up to my present circumstances, I am now sitting at a truck stop eating a terrible sandwich , I imagine is made out of saw dust waiting for Dean to fill up his car and Sam to come back from the bathroom. We are currently on our way to my parent's place which I am looking forward to and dreading at the same time. But this time I am going to face my fears instead of running from them. Dean keeps telling me to take it one day at a time and it will gradually get easier.

Writing it down has certainly made it so. There is something about putting your thoughts on paper that makes them seem somehow clearer.

The journal was Sam's idea, he showed me the one his Dad had put together and said it was his way of passing on his knowledge and probably also a way to deal with the things he saw in their line of work. Dean kept the journal up to date adding creatures to it that weren't already mentioned. Sam thought the journal might be a way to help me make sense of myself. He explained that writing down his dreams and visions gave him a bit of perspective.

I haven't asked Sam about the rest of the vision and he hasn't mentioned it, I am guessing he will tell me when he wants to and there doesn't seem to be any rush.

It turned out that the werewolf was actually my boss Zach and he was aware that I has wasn't exactly normal when he met me, which was why he had hired me on the spot. He actually had a cage that he locked himself up in on the nights of the full moon but somehow he had broken out that particular night. It didn't seem like he had hurt anyone. He wasn't surprised when I told him I was going with Dean and Sam, he told me that everyone needs to find their way. I am not sure I really understand him but I am guessing with time I might. He did mention that if I ever needed anything I was welcome back.

Pete didn't take the news too well, he thought I was just running away again and that going with two people I just met was reckless. I didn't want to fight with him but we didn't part on the best of terms. I couldn't tell him the truth about myself for a few reasons, one being I wasn't sure how he would react the other being that I didn't really want to expose him to my world if I didn't need to. I think he was happy living his life studying at Uni unaware of the things that really went bump in the night. What right did I have to take that away from him? When I left I knew it was possibly the end of our friendship and that thought made me sad. It felt like I was finally closing the door on the kid that grew up on a farm in a small country town and getting ready to open another one that would lead me into the world of the slayer. I knew that girl would still be inside of me, but had now been moulded into something else that sort of resembled her. Apart of me was afraid to walk through that door that was now open to me but I knew I didn't have to do it alone. I had two people who had walked through it the day they were born watching my back, what could go wrong.

Well I had better finish up for now as I can see a surly looking Dean impatiently waiting in the car tapping the steering wheel and a smirking Sam waving trying to get my attention. So here concludes part one of my tale. I know there are going to be many more to follow, but I will leave you with one thought that has been flowing through my brain since that night in the bar when I felt the change go through me. Of all the questions that have been running through my mind over the past year one stood out more than the rest, 'What if' I kept asking my self what if this and what if that. I kept wondering and questioning every action and decision I made with what if I did this different or that different would I still be in the same situation and the truth of the matter is 'I don't know' I don't really think there is an answer to that question as what's done is done and you cant change the past but you can learn from it and try not to make the same mistakes in the future.

I am trying to ask what if less and live my life more in the present. I'll let you know how that works out for me.

_So that is the end of my story for now, and I am happy that you got this far without giving up in disgust. I do have a follow up half written but I thought I would see what you thought before I posted it. I know this isn't really finished and it probably doesn't even make sense but I wanted to post it anyway. I haven't read through it as I didn't want to be reminded of the accident just yet. But I will probably do so and cringe in despair at how bad this really is. If there is anything that you notice about it that you think needs changing or mistakes that you feel need pointing out please feel free doing so. I don't write under the illusion that I am perfect or any good I just do it because I enjoy it. Other peoples feedback good or bad and input will only make me better. _

So thankyou for your time and let me know if you want to read the follow up story.


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